People often feel dissatisfied with the unevenness of life. While some folk seem to stroll along easily in the sunshine, others stumble over one hard stone after another; a few wade through riches and abundance while many others huddle in barren poverty.  What is more, there are circumstances in which we are certain we have not received our due: one sibling may feel less loved than another; one family member may have to shoulder all the household tasks; one worker may discover that another worker is paid more for the same job.  And if in spite of all obstacles we manage to acquire something, there is always the chance that some faceless thief will steal it.

The wise are aware of these complaints, for they have all known the same experiences, but spirituality does not promise a smooth and easy life. Rather, the opposite, since the spiritual realm is found within, not without, and the difficulties we are aware of all seem to take place in our outer world.  We can be sure that any self-proclaimed authority who promises us silk and swan’s down on our spiritual path is deluded, and wishes to share the delusion. Nevertheless, in Gayan Boulas there is an interesting saying: When man denies what he owes you, then it is put on the account of God.  

As we contemplate this, we might feel a gleam of optimism growing.  ‘Yes, after all, how could it be otherwise?’ we may say to ourselves. ‘The Lord is upright and Just and He will see that all debts are paid.’  Then, like the dreamer in the story counting the geometric growth of wealth from a single pair of breeding rabbits, we may begin to calculate how rich we will be when all that is owed us is finally paid up – perhaps with compound interest! To make our fantasy easy, we presume that God, as the supreme model of courtesy, will pay up promptly by direct deposit and we will therefore not be obliged to knock on His door and present a bill.

But while we are dreaming of justice fulfilled, we should also ask if we ourselves perhaps owe something. If God is so exact that He cares for every unpaid bill, then are we sure that we have left nothing on the wrong side of the ledger?  Material debts aside, what about the duties of kindness, care and consideration toward those whose lives have crossed ours in some way? And beyond our responsibilities toward our fellow humans, what do we owe to our Creator? The gift of life and all that comes with it is beyond any price; what is bestowed in love can only be repaid with love.

Yes, all debts will someday be erased – either repaid or cancelled, but rather than trying to calculate our winnings on payday, the wise person will think more about the love and compassion and forgiveness of the One Who can forgive all our debts. Justice is the fulfilment of law, but in Vadan Talas we find this saying: Above law is love; above love is the Beloved. If we hope to rise toward the One, we should endeavour to leave our grievances about unpaid debts behind us, and breathe the atmosphere of love. It may be a struggle to forgive some things, but in the prayer Khatum we find, ‘Teach us Thy loving forgiveness.” The best way to learn that is to recognize how much forgiveness we ourselves require.